Here’s this, that you should read. (I’ll wait.)
Because seriously, for the thousandth time:
We should be able to be frightened by violence — to look at it, talk about it, work with it — without retreating into jokes and denial.
If we can’t, we should be creating communities of support that make such reality-gazing possible.
The method of dealing with our terror by blaming violence on its victims — Sure, this method works… if by “works” we mean, “makes us feel better via the numbing effect of denial and other-ing.”
If by “works” we instead mean, “keeps us legitimately safe,” or “makes us better people,” or “builds compassion” or “decreases overall violence in our communities and society,” the victim-blaming method is, objectively, a massive failure. To pretend otherwise is to put one’s need for pretend momentary safety above one’s need for actual, legitimate safety, and/or for effective, caring support when that safety is savagely compromised.
The cost of victim-blaming is compassion. And a grasp on reality. And any effectiveness in the realm of human rights.
Please, stand in the terror. Look at it, work with it, speak it. The numbed-out words are meaningless.